blah!

I totally do not feel like studying! I only feel like being with my family, cleaning my house, doing nothing and not studying.

But I know I need to pull through the next 5 days to get the grades I want. I am not in danger of failing but its a close B in foundations. A definite B in assessment with a very possible A (that will take effort). And promotions up in the air. And a more than likely B in promotions (some grades still pending).

Yet my family needs me. My house is in disarray. My kids are moody, bored and missing their mom. Mr. Potts is in need of a break, big time.

blech! Makes me want to risk a C in foundations. I need a 72 on the final. I can settle for a B in assessment. And I really think promotions will be a B.

But I do not want to risk regretting it later. I want my GPA over a 3.0. If I get a C an A would help balance it out.

SIGHHHHH!

I would like to say a night of rest will help but it hasn't.
I think I just need to suck it up and do my school work. Its only 5 more days and then I am free to be with the kids the rest of the summer.

Honestly, I do not even want to send then the last 3 weeks of school. But they love school for the most part.

I may just keep them home a few times on separate occasions for some one on one time.

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It has been awhile!
I never dropped in after Spring Break.
I was so in need of a break. Prior to the break I thought I was on the ball and handling nursing school very well. But as soon as I relaxed I realized I was super stressed out and spread too thin. Luckily, the week before the break was the worse and it has not gotten that bad since then.

I have been unhappy though. It is hard for me to be away from my family and incapable of contributing more to my household in a hands on way. I have tried to take comfort in the fact that I am making a huge difference in my families life by completing college. Not only will I pull us out of poverty but my kids will be more likely to complete college themselves.

But it still hurts having to step back and focus here when my heart would love to be focusing there.
I cannot wait for the next couple weeks to pass so I can be with my family most of the time.
Till then I hope I can muster up the concentration needed to end the semester successfully.

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midterm evaluation

Faculty Summary: You are a pleasure to have in class because you are so enthusiastically engaged with your learning that information bubbles over and guides other students. In this, your leadership skills are very obvious. You have internalized a locus of control that has a raging hunger for accurate information. Your energy to feed this hunger is impressive. This love of knowledge coupled with your unusually high capacity for compassion and maternal maturity is going to make you a great nurse.

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juggling nursing school, family and work is an emotional roller coaster.

One minute I am over the moon elated and the next down in the dumps sad. =(

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my clinical group and my lab partner and I.

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First Day Of Clinicals....

So Friday was my first day on the hospital floor. We teamed up in pairs with a patient care tech and shadowed them for the day. I got to go with my neighbor. She lives across from me here in my complex. It was a great day that left me motivated to complete nursing school and do well.
I am so glad. My biggest fear has always been hating the hospital after my first day.


It seems little old ladies have a way of warming the heart. My was a 80 something year old woman we will call Dee Dee. She was the sweetest thing. We were going to give her a bed bath but she insisted she needed to get into the shower. So we retrieved a walker and got her in the bathroom. We were left to keep an eye on her and after a short while I asked her how she was doing.
She said," Ok, but I need help with my backside."

I was like ok lets see what I can do.
I washed her back and allowed warm water to flow over her back.
I gave her extra firm scrubs for comfort and asked if she planned on washing her hair.
She was so excited at the prospect of having her hair washed I had to do it for her.

I washed her hair and rinsed it well.
Then gathered a PCT to help her back to bed.

I was scared to get her out of the shower because that is such a high risk location especially because of her age and condition.

We dressed her and I fumbled with her robe a bit but managed.
I combed her hair and fluffed it curly like she enjoys.

Later on her daughter asked me to ambulate her down the hall and I felt trust had been established. Her nurse gave me permission to take her for a walk and we did.

I was really happy we made it to the exit sign and back. WHEW!

Dee Dee was my fave patient of the day.
She gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek before I left.

I left that day so motivated to become a nurse.
It felt good to leave each person a little better than we found them.
A linen change and a wash up makes a huge difference in a day.

I cannot wait till next week when I follow a charge nurse around and see the job from a different perspective.

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Exam One Down

{borrowed image}

And I got a B and said Yippee!
Th old 4.0 student in me tried to scoff but I didn't let her!!
I was shocked the exam was not that difficult.

The class the test was in is called Nursing Foundations.
A few weeks ago my professor claimed we would all nearly fail because we could not possible prepare for this type of test.

I do think I am a decent test taker but they had me frazzled.
I kept wondering what these test questions could possibly entail that I had never encountered.

Between my crazy anatomy and physiology teacher and the horrors of pharmacology I was stumped about what my current professor would present on the exam.

We were warned to use our time wisely because we could not press the back button and would not be allowed to stand up even if we finished early. They advised reading the problem thoroughly to be sure we understood the question in order to void being tricked.

So as I was clicking through I was trying to force myself to slow down cause I was getting way ahead but i was also pretty sure about my answers. I nearly fell asleep once or twice from the boredom of waiting.

I do need to improve on that. Slowing down, really thinking it through on every one.
I missed 11 out of 75. The ones I missed were ones where I had two choices that were the topic next thing to do but I chose the wrong one to do first. Even though I knew the correct but went off into my what-if scenario just a tad. That is important to control.

Others were basically not knowing. I did cram 3 chapters out of 11 in that morning. So not bad!

All I can say is that was a huge sigh of relief. I cannot wait to kick butt from here on it. I am getting fearful of the hands on aspect now but I know that more hand-on experiences will build my confidence!

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I Cracked......

So it finally got to me. I had my first nursing school breakdown, tears and all. So this has been brewing for some days now. The school was closed on Wednesday meaning I could not take the exam. I hardly got any sleep the evening prior to the now canceled exam.

I never sleep very well on test nights and the impending snow storm made it worse.
Well, that evening basically last night I received an email from my clinical instructor telling me that I had 6 hours of online orientation to complete prior to attending clinicals on Friday.

Well, this was Wednesday evening and I was required to attend the hospital lab the following morning and work the following evening. I was kinda devastated. At first I was shocked she would ask me to find an extra 6 hours on such short notice.

Then I dissolved into a self-pity mess. It did not help that I am sleep-deprived and barely finding time to eat. Even when I do have time to eat I usually don't have food cause I don't have time to buy it. Its kinda horrible.

So after whining and crying for several hours while attempting to study I decided I need to call curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and watch the latest Teen Mom 2.

I had an OK day today learning how to insert a Foley catheter and a NG tube. I also got to change a wound dressing. All on Sim men of course.

And lastly a co-worker whom I now love let me finish up the modules tonight at work while he manned the check in desk.

I love my job and my co-workers. I am feeling a lot better. I am gonna kick nursing schools ass in the end even if it briefly takes me out every once in awhile.

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if a nurse, when meeting friends, finds
herself . . . gossiping about doctors, nurses
and patients, she must realize she is on the
road to unhappiness and cynicism”
– —Parsons (1916)

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today was a good day...

I had the bestest day today. I was on campus from 8 am to 5 pm. I have a full day of assessment on Wednesdays. Two hours lecture in the morning, with four hours lunch/ lab prep time and 3 hours of lab on the afternoon. I found the sweetest study spot on the top floor of the library this morning. Special Collections. There were only three people using the space. So my neighbor and I sat, ate lunch and prepped for our first assessment lab.

The lab experience was awesome. I met with my clinical group and our instructor. I had a sweet moment while we learned blood pressures. Whenever I visit a health care setting and the nurse is present I am so eager to speak to her about nursing but often they are busy nursing and I do not want to bother them. So today in assessment I found myself in a health care setting with a nurse who is there to answer my questions and guide me. It felt good. I actually have at least 150 years worth of experienced nurses willing to pass the art down to me.

I am happy and ready for the challenge!

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I still feel like I am making my way through uncharted territory. This feels a lot like a regular semester so far but my instructor's warning yesterday places some weight upon my soul. We were told to expect to do poorly on the first exam. It happens to everyone and we just are not prepared for the test style. I am sure that does not sit well with most students in the room. The average G.P.A. of the class cannot be lower than a 3.6. I am doing my best ( i hope)!
I have at least 30 hours of studying planned for the week. I allowed myself to finish one hour early last night after I met my goals. Already I wonder if I should have studied but I know its essential to take advantage of a spare hour to relax. I had studied 6 already plus sat through 3 hours of lecture.

Speaking of time my spare five minutes has come and gone.

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thinking about what your thinking when your thinking

I need to do more of that^^^
So I survived my first meeting with my clinical group.
It was a good time. I was of course not nearly as nervous as I was for a moment while I blogged that morning. The experience was pretty much what I expected. We went over hand hygiene and personal protective equipment...you know stuffs like that.....

I want to take a moment to reflect on thinking patterns I can improve.
I want to listen and observe more. I need to make a conscious choice to reflect on the moment in front of me....

I also want to make sure I utilize time wity my instructors effectively. I need to formulate questions before hand and take advantage of time during idle moments.

And most importantly I need lots of rest and nourishment.

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Oh My Gosh!

Today is a big day!!!!

The first day of school was Tuesday but I feel like the first day was two weeks ago at nursing orientation. It was two full days of information, expectation, reassurance and love. I went in looking for some clarification regarding the next few months of my life and left feeling like a privileged challenge laid before me. One that will require hard work but also one that I am capable of especially because I am part of a exceptional nursing family that will shape and support me with loving hands.

And today is the first day I really get to know my nursing family. I will spend seven hours with my clinical instructor, nursing class and clinical group. We will dive into the everyday basics of nursing. I have a feeling they are the most basic of the basics and barely cover the nursing iceberg. I am nervous! I know I can do it! I am gonna feel scrutinized because I will be scrutinized. Sigh. Big Sigh!!

But it will be done by tonight. I am nervous but ready for this step. I am ready to be challenged and motivated. I am ready to experience the science coma with a nursing twist. I think it will be partially familiar yet shockingly new.

I have already immersed myself in material for the past week. This morning I am reviewing and condensing my notes trying t get that last minute preparations done.

Well, I must study now!!

Bye!!

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So December has made its debut. I had high hopes of crafting an advent calendar that have not been realized. Instead I have studied nearly non-stop yet not studied enough. Honestly, I know I could be studying even harder but I have lacked the drive science usually provides me. For the first time in my academic career I am content with less than an A. I would say content with B's but I actually think I may be at risk for a C in Pharmacology. Now that is a definite first since I started junior college. Well, all is well that ends well they say and I have been accepted into the college of nursing. The victory has been seized in that aspect. Although, my eye is still on the prize and plan on applying myself whole-heartedly to my nursing career. I will not allow another course to be at risk of a C again. I can handle one if I gain a lesson in exchange.

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I am back to complain. AAAARRGGG. Anyways so I am feeling better health wise. Once I took a couple of motrin and a few lighter days I feel better. But now Monday I am back to freak out. I am having test anxiety bad. I don't get it often only in harder courses.

This semester I have had it in a weird way. I don't feel stressed but I cant sleep, and I have some upset stomach. But now that finals is approaching and this weeks big tests I am a bundle of nerves and I cant concentrate. I could just throw up.

So I am not sick but anxious. I have 7 exams in the next 2 weeks and I am worried I will fail something even though I am at least borderline B in two classes. I think I feel this way because all that is left between nursing school and me is these last few classes. I know I need to get past this and just do the work.

I do just want it to be over though.

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Good Nurses See The World Upside Down Comfortably

Reflection

Each time I see the Upside-Down Man
Standing in the water,
I look at him and start to laugh,
Although I shouldn't oughtter.
For maybe in another world
Another time
Another town,
Maybe HE is right side up
And I am upside down. *Shel Silverstein

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A Professional Nurse Is......

civil

ethical

honest

the best

consistent

a communicator

accountable

collaborative

forgiving

current

involved

a model citizen

responsible

prepared

(I liked this description from my textbook Professional Nursing: Concepts and Challenges)

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Aunt Flo's Wise Words

Women never have a half-hour in all their lives (excepting before or after anybody is up in the house) that they can call their own, without fear of offending or of hurting someone. Why do people sit up so late, or, more rarely, get up so early? Not because the day is not long enough, but because they have 'no time in the day to themselves.' [1852]

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Quickly Here....

{image from we heart it}
I have no time!

Studies are still overwhelming and life is still passing by.

The first exams are next week and I have so much to learn.

Mrs. Potts Senior is on town and I am grateful.

This means I get hole away in the library for the weekend and feel a little less guilty.

Today I had to blog because of the cuteness I woke up to....

We have been waiting for Gideon's tooth to fall out and he has finally got to the point of wiggling it since his big tooth is poking out and it needs room.

It seemed it would never fall out but last night something happened between Yeshua and him and bedtime which is also wrestle time and Gideon's tooth fell out.

We don't have the story straight.

Gideon at first said Yeshua hit him.

Yeshua claimed he pulled it out.

All I know is Gideon jumped up and gave Yeshua a hug while thanking him for helping his tooth out.



Mr Potts and I made a trip to Target for a Lego Creator set to slip under Gideon's pillow.

This morning he had migrated into my arms and I felt him wake up with a purpose and head to his room.

He exclaimed to Yeshua, Look what the tooth fairy brought me! And ran out to show me. Yeshua asked Mr. Potts if he was the tooth fairy and everyone laughed at the prospect of Daddy being a fairy. Gideon asked me to put the creator set together with him after breakfast.



The children then migrated back to the room where I heard Molly say.

My tooth will never fall out.

And the boys said Molly, you have to be five!

Oh how old?

FIVE!!!

Five? Ok, I have to be five!



I love my family to pieces!

I am glad we shared this moment before I have to head off to the library.

The good news there is I have a good group of current applicants I have gathered up the past couple of weeks.

The bad news in I just cant catch up to the material!

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